Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Never been contented.
The title says it all.
Yes, I have never been contented with my life. There was even a time when I want my life to end -- literally to disappear in this world and leave all these shit that is happening in my life. But still, I can't take away my life. I know that God has His own ways on how will I cope with all the problems or sacrifices that I am facing right now.
Never did I really loved my life. I've been always jealous -- envious of the people living their life to the fullest because they are living in America, Europe and Australia (my dream places to live in) and even envious of the people who is migrating from Manila to any other country of this world. Never did I love my own country because of what the government is doing = corruption. Living in the third world country isn't that great... it makes me feel like a loser. I know that I should cooperate for this country to be "improved" but why should I do something if 90% of the people (especially the government) in here doesn't even give a damn on what is happening around them? All they want is taxes and they're only kissing the asses of the people if the elections are coming up. Colonial mentality, I know. I am not alone in this. I also have a friend who loathes this country but lucky her - she has a bigger chance to migrate than I do. Maybe I will have a chance to migrate if I have a job and money on my own. I will probably buy a house in New York or Los Angeles. If that dream will be fulfilled, I will get back here in Manila and participate in charities as many as I could.
Realized that I want to make lots of people happy. I want all of the people to be surprised in their birthday - like, they will want to cry if they didn't expect the unexpected, I want them to be really ecstatic on their special days (Mother's Day, Father's Day and the like) I've been telling myself since I was 14 that when I have a job and get really rich, I will give my mother a house; I will give my dad his dream car; I will give my oldest sister a shopping spree all over the world; my second sister a shopping trip to Chanel and will buy her her first Chanel dream bag and my third sister her very own Apple laptop. All with my own money, all from my hardwork. I want them all to be HAPPY and I want to give smiles on their faces.
MATERIAL THINGS ARE NOT THE ANSWER TO BE CONTENTED AND SATISFIED WITH YOUR LIFE.
Mixed emotions. Still confused about what my life is all about. Still doesn't know who really is the REAL me.
Hoping that if I answer all the questions that is bothering me, I will finally be... CONTENTED.
"In life there are always undesirable things, so in order to feel better you just need to look at life from another direction."